Internal Antithesis (obsession/ambivalence)

I’m looking for a flicker

What it is I can’t possibly know

I've been sitting in the tree fort, the one scrawled with graff that echoes the past

The one I don’t normally go to alone

But today it is 3:34 and I am watching the ivory clouds bloom

Legs dangling off the side of splintered wood that scrapes against the back of scabbed up knees

Sticky warmth buzzing along my brow; beads of sweat bestowed by the approaching evenings’ heat

 Its ardor adorns the clearing with an air of unequivocal chance.

Spindly calloused branches,

thatches of snaking brambles dotted with tender fleshed blackberries,

the haphazard planks that support my crossed and crass frame, 

Each softened in the humming, oozing, golden hue of refractory accepted

Able to thoroughly contemplate the absurdity of my own cycles of self-destruction and reconstruction in solitude's sanctuary

If I never claw my way back down, pack my things up in the tattered old tote abound with items I drag around like lifelines, If I never leave this moment behind

I’d like to think it’d stay intact

The birds swimming through the trees, the subtle tickle of the breeze on my cheek, the quiet security in natures’ anonymity

It's’ a thought blooming in naivety 

But somethings are better that way

Still, I know I won’t stay

I know the heat will dissipate

It’s a rest stop church

Divine wisdom for a single day

Gulping it down like sacrament 

Cause its’ never gonna stay